Dude, thanks for giving me a fun one. :D If I wasn’t a human space heater AND lived in Canada, I would rock turtleneck shirts under t-shirts so hard.
Do you ever have those moments when you’re left alone with your thoughts…
Those moments where you convince yourself that some of the friends you’ve made must hate you even if the more reasonable explanation of “they’re just busy” or “they’ve never taken initiative for conversation” is readily available?
Then you think, they must be indifferent because you aren’t worth the energy and emotional effort to hate? You don’t start panicking, but you just sit and make yourself sad.
And then you are left to stew so long in your self generated pit of diminished self worth that you forget none of it has actually been confirmed. You forget you didn’t fuck up as monumentally as you thought and you say things that are unintentionally hurtful. That you think your friends who you believe would never hurt anyone on purpose are hurting you because you are the one person that’s just too awful to be worth talking to or hanging out with, but at the same time, you are too sad and pathetic and clingy to cancel a friendship with.
Then they ask how you can think this. And your brain short circuits. You’re left to clutch your head and pull at your hair and cry while apologizing profusely. The cycle starts over. You know you assume the worst. You know you make everything out to be worse than it actually is.
But just because you know how your mind works, it doesn’t mean it stops working that way. Not for a second.